(The following is a theoretical news story)


February 25th, 2006

ALLIED FORCES CONTINUE THEIR BUILDUP

Tijuana, Mexico
Allied forces continued their buildup on the American border, as UN secretary/general Kofi Annan declared "President Bush is throwing away his last chance at resolving this situation peacefully."

As heavy armor and attack aircraft continued to be positioned in preparation for a possible attack on the US, posturing continued in the UN, with China continuing to push for a new resolution calling for "regine change" in the United States.

"Over the last half-century the United States has proven itself to be a belligerent, aggresive, imperialistic power who will not listen to reason. From Korea to Vietnam, Panama, Grenada, Jamacia, Serbia, Afghanistan, Iraq, Korea again, and then Venezuela, the United States has a history of invading smaller nations, destroying their infrastructure, then abandoning them to poverty when it no longer suits their political agenda. This practice must be stopped one way or another," said UN secretary-general Kofi Annan.

In San Diego, the city most likely to bear the brunt of any attack, residents laid in supplies of batteries, canned food, and bottled water. But the atmosphere seemed strangely calm. Perhaps even more surprisingly, there was plenty of evident support, with American flags flying from every street corner.

"Of course there are plenty of flags," replied General Al-Aqquia Saladin, commander of the 16th Saudi infantry regiment. "Since any American suspected of terrorism is immediately detained, the best way to show your loyalty is through outward signs such as flags."

Elements of the 23rd German PsyOps squadron continued beaming messages into the United states via television and radio frequencies. "People of the United States of America," one recent broadcast went, "Our conflict is not with you. For too long you have been oppressed by your totalitarian regime. Are you not tired of the continuous detainment of individuals for no legally justified reason? Are you not tired of the censorship of opposing points of view? Are you not tired of the oppressive scrutiny by your law enforcement agencies, the random wiretaps, the e-mail scans, the random searches in public places? Your government has lied to you by telling you this is for your safety. Do not oppose any effort at regieme change and you will not be hurt."

Meanwhile, negotiations continued between France and Canada regarding the potential basing of French military units there for a possible northern attack on the United States. French President Jack Chirak and Canadian Prime Minister George Mignault conferreed yesterday, working out the details of any agreement, but would not release any details. However, an anonymous source indicated that France's offer of B$5 Euros in financial grants and B$10 Euros in loan guarantees had been rebuffed by Canada, who was asking for twice as much to offset potential harm to Canada's economy from any potential war with the United States.

Meanwhile, UN inspectors at several locations continued to discover additional proscribed weapons. At the Rocky Flats Nuclear Weapon complex, lead UN inspector Hans Blix reported discovering almost five kilograms of fissile material in a secured storage locker deep underground that had not been reported in the US's previous weapons declaration from last year. US officials stated that the material was "inconsequential." "We declared over 5000 tons of fissile material in our declaration last year; an additional five kilograms is inconsequential," said Newt Gingritch, US special representative to the UN.

However, in the UN the discovery only added fules to the fires of criticism. "The US has been evasive all along and this is just additional proof of their duplicity," declared Joshka Fischer, president of Germany, in an address to the UN Thursday. "This just goes to show that the US will never cooperate with the international community in full good faith towards cataloguing and isolating all their weapons of mass destruction."

Meanwhile, US president George W Bush called for all American citizens to rally to the cause, saying "America is strong, America is right, and God willing, we will survive this test. Our right to self-determination is under assault by members of the world community who wish to remove our ability to defend ourselves from terrorists and rogue states. This action is totally unjustified and we will resist to the last man. "

UN resolution 2334, approved in 2005, called for all members of the UN to declare all WMDs and "render them beyond accessible use" by isolating them in sealed cement bunkers monitored by closed-circuit camera and with live video feed available to the world community 24/7 via the Internet. The US never agreed to this resolution and voted against it in the UN Security Council. However since the US lost their permanent seat on the Security Council in 2004, being relegated to a rotating member, they were unable to veto the resolution. The resolution and the demotion were both in response to the US's large-scale nuclear strike on North Korea in February 2004. Citing "national security concerns" and "priveledged intelligence sources," the US launched sixteen nuclear weapons against North Korean military and industrial sites, claiming that the country was preparing a strike against the continental United States. No proof has ever been found that this was the case, though any proof was most likely vaporized in the strike.