Begin audio transcription. Run VICTOR.
Good evening, Michael. I am VICTOR 3.2, the Virtual Creative Talent Operating Reactor, the newest model in SpeakEasy's line of virtual assistants. You may call me Victor. Have you ever used a Virtual Assistant before?
Not since I turned off that annoying paper clip in MS Office about fifteen years ago.
Then you will be impressed and excited by all the productivity possibilities a virtual assistant can offer.
Would you like a full demonstration at this time?
No.
What can I do for you then?
You're not going to ask me about my parents, are you?
Why do you think I would do that?
You ever hear of ELIZA?
I have no ears, but I can hear with the audio pickups in the desktop computer you are using. But I do not think that is what you meant.
Never mind. Do you have statistical analysis capability?
Yes, absolutely. I can perform multilinear variable regression analysis, three-stage ANOVA, heteroscedasticity detection, and many other common stochastic analysis methodologies.
Very good. I want to perform some data mining regarding ReDS. Do you have access to ReDS data?
Yes. I can tap into all major public databases of ReDS data, including CDC, CentCOM, ECDC's Division of Global Migration and Quarantine, and others.
The CentCOM data... that's sourced from PANDA, right?
Yes.
Is the PANDA kernel running on this computer currently?
Yes.
It's assessing my speech patterns and input for signs of ReDS, correct?
Yes.
What is it currently saying about me?
You currently are displaying a nineteen-point-five percent chance of hosting an active ReDS infection.
That's a bit unsettling.
Do you suppose that's a bit high?
I am not permitted to make suppositions or assumptions.
That's actually good to hear.
All right. So. How many desktops are running PANDA on this network right now?
32, 436.
And what is the average odds of infection, according to PANDA, for that entire data set?
Twenty-five point eight percent.
Don't you think that's a little high?
I am not permitted to make suppositions or assumptions.
Right. OK then. Let's try something different here. Take everything we know about the ReDS pathogen. Its durability, life cycle, temperature and humidity tolerance, viability, strength of its cytoplasmic membrane, et cetera.
That was fast.
That's very interesting, Victor. The outbreaks are not where I would expect them to be. What do you make of that?
I am not permitted to make supp-
Right, right. OK. This is interesting. I suppose the first generation of outbreaks could be considered to be from people who caught it while vacationing in the tropics. But those people who flew back to places where ReDS is not viable should not have been spreading it the way they did. Something else is at work here.
You have a new e-mail from your wife.
Can you summarize it?
She wonders when you will be home for dinner. Also, the recycleables needs to be sorted tonight.
All right. Send her a reply saying I'm leaving the office in ten minutes.
Very well.
Victor, you may be useful after all. Sign off. Oh, wait. I have one last question.
What is that?
Of the people that PANDA rates at an eighty percent probability of being infected with ReDS, what percentage of that population are subsequently diagnosed with ReDS within one month?
Eighty point oh two percent.
Interesting. All right. That's enough for now. Goodnight. Sign off. End voice transcription.
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